Should we all just zip our mouths shut when our parents are wearing something horrid but with pride?!

Why is tough love such a bad thing? If there is always someone giving a person their full undivided love and time; why is it so difficult to accept another persons honest but tough to hear opinion?! Are we all immune to hearing the truth because our lives are so well cushioned with love, innocence and sincere lies that we're all too afraid to admit to one another. 

Recently the I've been fasting as it is the month of Ramadan therefore in our religion of Islam we give up food and water during the day as a sacrifice to God for many reasons; to thank God for our luxuries by understanding what it is like to have these luxuries taken away from us much like the more poorer third world unfortunate countries which we feel empathy for. Also fasting is a way of cleansing our souls and sinister thoughts as we teach ourself will power and self restraint from all things bad, and the further I go along the more calm I feel. I know I've slightly gone off point but I'm back to where I started now. Ever since I've been fasting I've been even more lazier than usual, sleeping, not going out, and even more grumpier than expected. 

Now because of my grumpiness I happen to be a lot more blunt about the simplest of things which everyone else may see as harsh, especially my sister. My sister is the type to tell everyone they look great even if they're are wearing a hideous top, whereas I will instantly tell them to change. Now how do we know who is in the right? Can everyone handle tough love or should we all just zip our mouths shut when our parents are wearing something horrid but with pride?! For me I feel if you trust the person enough tough love isn't a problem, however also if you don't know how to give it does it mean you haven't gained that tight bond with the person yet which is preventing a stronger friendship or is it just a personality trait, or are you simply too kind?

The more I type the more starts to unravel. My father is the biggest softy who could never say a bad true word about his family in front of them, whereas my mum will give it how it is to her family. Maybe it has to do with how we were brought up. Both my parents were raised with around 7-11 siblings, so very large families however my dad was the youngest in his whereas my mum wasn't. Now I have no idea where this is leading too but I know tough love is something that is needed and is somewhat taught or gained with confidence, as you grow with people wanting you to get on and push yourself. Maybe it's just that if you don't have enough confidence in yourself and what you do that you don't feel comfortable in criticising or sharing your opinion about someone else's choices.

Oh wow. I'm so hungry right now I'm starting to wonder whether any of this is actually making any sense at all?! I don't think it is at all. Only six more days till I can get my head straight again, and hopefully I can come up with something better. I know these are all like diary entries but my life has been so boring since I've been fasting that I've not come up with any decent talking points, sorry. Trying to function without food and water is hard believe me! 

We all have something that we are abnormally afraid of.

If I were to see a spider in my room it wouldn't phase me! Even if a mouse squeaked underneath my bed, it wouldn't freak me out enough to make me leave my room. But anything that flies will have me outta there in a second!!! And right now its 2:26am in the morning and I'm sitting in my living room because a massive moth just took ownership of my room, so I switched off my light, left my door WIDE open, and came downstairs hoping that the moth will be out by the time I pluck up the courage to go back up. 

I don't know what it is about flying insect's?! They seem to be the most invasive of all creatures, buzzing around the house as if they have special ownership because they have wings. I've never liked moths, or those flying daddy long leg monsters and my worst fear of all, butterfly's!! I hate them, they freak me out soooooo bad! Their innocent cutesy colourful disguise just does not work for me, they still fly and land on your face as if its okay because they are yellow with pink detailing; no just no, its still not okay! 

Ever since I was little I've always been one of those kids that were scared of EVERYTHING. Even till this day I still have the weirdest phobias! My cousins used to love scaring me with baby dolls and masks and even a blow up scary spice doll; which I only just discovered was what caused one of my biggest and most repeated nightmares as a child! But honestly it can be so exhausting having so many fears which other people can't understand because its specific to you and relates only to your own experiences; so its always a nightmare having to explain why hot air balloons scare the shit out of me, and why I couldn't go to Damian Hirst exhibition because of the one room filled with live butterfly's. We all have something that we are abnormally afraid of, but my fears always seem to trump others. But somehow now that I am older and somewhat slightly wiser, I have now started lining the dots together from my childhood to my current phobias; and all I can say is that I have my cousins to blame. They took advantage of a little girl who would cry for anything and then when I say I'm afraid of hot air balloons they brightly point out how silly it is. You see I never knew that the spice girl blow up doll that my cousin (who loved scaring the shit out of me) bought me was a doll; until recently I always thought it was only a large balloon of scary spices face, which I believe lead me to my fear of air balloons in the first place. I used to scream as a child when I saw a hot air balloon! This one time when we were driving across Tower Bridge with my uncle, dad and cousin, I remember spotting a hot air balloon and wouldn't stop screaming and crying, begging for my uncle to shut all the windows, especially the one on the roof of the car; but he never, he just told me to shut up. 

Adults never seem to take fears seriously, they just see it as an inconvenience. I always thought that I would be mean to my cousins kids as they were to me when I was young, but now I'm older, I could never do that to a child, for them to experience what I did, even if their parents did leave a long term effect on me; I just couldn't do that because I have compassion and a heart. The funny thing is; the same hot air balloon that I was screaming after on Tower Bridge happened to crash later that day, hows that for inconvenience.

They'll look at me as a 'prostitute' if I were to get tatted.

I fucking love tattoos! They are so damn interesting and lovely to look at, something to ask about, talk about, and they say so much about a person. After watching all these world cup matches and seeing these beautiful men covered in tatts makes me admire them and want them even more which sucks. But of course thats another something I can't do, have, or want. Being Turkish and Muslim means both cultural and religious backlash, not to mention I'm a girl; which just adds to the list.

I have always been a Muslim but always somewhat an unknown one as I don't look religious but its something I was born into I guess and I have tried to follow as much as I can. It's hard following a religion or path when you don't really have anyone around you who fully implies the rules of Islam to you, but believe you me I'm happy about. My mums from Turkey, automatically more religious than my fathers Cypriot side of the family, her family in Turkey are all super into their religion; praying five times a day, fasting, and all attempting to teach their own kids the same route, but somehow only half succeeding. And well my fathers side, is well pretty pathetic with the whole understanding of religion so its hard to see the right way to go at most times because when people surprisingly ask us if we are Muslims we kind of reply in a "well, yeah; but not proper religious" kind of way, or my dad calls us "micky mouse Muslims" which is quite comedic. But when I am to ask about tattoos they shake their heads in despair implying how haram it is, even though there is no religious stability within our immediate family. And even though my dad has a tattoo himself that still doesn't matter as they then go on to say that the family won't approve, and that they'll look at me as a 'prostitute' if I were to get tatted which is just bullshit and a cheap reply.

Tattoos are so beautiful and delicate looking that if you get it done properly there should be no problem at all. But no, we have to approach the higher court in order to do something that completely concerns no one but me and my own body. I'm someone who has been creative my whole life, drawing, painting, creating music, sewing, totally artistic since I can remember I'm studying fashion for fucks sake, but cant express my total creativeness on my own body because a) God doesn't approve of tattoos, or b) my Family don't approve of tattoos. Personally my family don't concern me at all, they can learn to live with it; its more about the religious thing. The thing is, if we only see ourselves as 'kind of' Muslims than can't we commit 'kind of' some sins like tattoos but yet still fast and pray?! If we are not to change or beautify our appearance like plucking our eyebrows or having plastic surgery, then why is it all we get on Turkish TV is ads on cosmetic surgery non stop! And if my family can't approve of tattoos then why is it fine for me to do it when I'm married so long as the male decides its fine; and why is it not a problem for my male cousins to get tatted up; because I'm a girl I'm too inferior to decide for myself?! They send out so many different messages that they can't blame us for not being able to catch up with all the rules and regulations between God, culture, family and TV.